Have you ever heard someone say "that really triggered me" and wondered what they meant or what that experience felt like? Loving people who are addicts, people who struggle with depression and/or anxiety, and just people in general has given me some perspective on this. Experiencing triggers for myself has given me a deep empathy for those who deal with them. Much like other topics I seem to write about, I want to encourage this to be an open discussion in relationships and homes. I think it is important to delve into this topic to identify our own triggers and the triggers of those we love so we can help each other walk through them successfully.
First a story on my own triggers....because why not set the stage with vulnerability?! Every summer since becoming a single mom, I have had a sense of dread about the regular maintenance of my yard. I have found it overwhelming to manage the inside of my home AND the outside premises all by myself. Each time I would get on my ride on mower, I would cry for at least 15 minutes. I would then beat myself up for how stupid I was being and for crying over a job that just needed to get done. I would be frustrated with myself for being emotional over my distaste for mowing the lawn, when, in fact, I was experiencing a trigger. It took me a long while to sit back and consider WHY I was so emotional when mowing my lawn. I learned that I am fully capable of mowing my lawn and that I actually enjoy the time outside, but I felt triggered by the fact that I was put in a position to take care of everything myself. Mowing my lawn was a reminder of doing life on my own. It was a trigger for a lot of deeper hurt. Once I acknowledged how I was feeling and validated why I was feeling that way, I started to make the best of mowing my lawn. This is an example of how a trigger can be the strangest thing. It can seem completely random and disconnected from reason, but is something that brings emotional wounds to the surface. Sometimes triggers are more obvious, like a flashback or a memory that comes to mind. They can come with songs, smells, and images.
Triggers will look different for everyone. How they surface will look different too. My trigger of mowing the lawn made me feel sad and isolated. For someone else, their trigger may cause them to feel angry or ashamed. Regardless of the emotions that surface, I think it is important to identify why we are feeling the way we do and respond to ourselves or others with grace. Another great reason to treat others with kindness NO MATTER WHAT. We have no idea what someone else's story is and the battle they are currently facing. When we experience deep hurt, it is a long journey to overcome it and there are so many barriers along the way.
It's possible that triggers may be positive too. They can be positive for the lessons they teach us about ourselves or they can trigger positive emotions. I know certain smells trigger feelings of happiness for me. I like to take time to explore the why behind those feelings too. The smell of fresh bread makes me think of my Nanny who always had homemade rolls made for our visits. Taking time to identify this trigger reminds me of the love and connection I had with such a beautiful soul.
Triggers are a way of examining our feelings and I tend to feel like they can serve a healthy purpose if we allow them to. Part of exploring our triggers involves us feeling safe to do so. We need to surround ourselves with people who are understanding and gracious as we feel triggered. We need to strive to be that type of person for someone else. The world could sure use more kindness and sensitivity to those who are hurting.
Please know this: If you are experiencing triggers, you are NOT alone. You are not crazy! They are a sign that you have a fully functioning heart that feels deeply. If someone has been insensitive to you as you walk through this, I'm sorry. You deserve to be held during this season. My prayer for you is that you would be covered in God's grace and the grace of those around you as you bravely travel your healing journey.
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